not about me...

While I was home this past month visiting family and friends I had an insightful conversation with a friend over coffee. We got on the topic of the lulls in life...seasons when we are spiritually dry, apathetic, or even in some moments dubious toward God. I have had moments in life like that, one season in particular when I struggled with depression and wondered where God was in it all. I was angry, hurt and stopped trusting God to fully meet all my needs.

As my friend shared her current struggle to trust God completely and to "feel" His presence a thought came to mind. She commented on several things but in particular how her time in the Bible, time in worship, time alone with God has been empty and unfulfilling. God was actively answering prayers in huge ways for several of her friends but her own health concerns have yet to be diagnosed by doctors(after years of waiting). God impressed some things on my heart that I shared in response to her frustration and doubt.

One area where a lot of Christians get it "wrong", myself included, is that this life, our quiet time, our worship, our material possessions, even our health is about us. This is not true. Ultimately God created us to worship Him. We are created in HIS image to bring HIM glory. Sometimes He is most glorified in our weaknesses and hardships. It doesn't always make sense to us but in the greater picture He is still ever present, very aware or where we are, and cares deeply about us.

When I hit those times of dry worship, when I don't receive any great "epiphanies" from my quiet times I remind myself that that time is not really about ME being filled or enlightened but about GOD being GLORIFIED. If all I can do some days is read aloud one verse, I pray that it will bring Him glory. He alone is WORTHY and desires our complete trust and unhindered worship. That's not to say that there aren't those great moments of "revelation" or direct answers to prayers but that is not the norm. We shouldn't base our trust and love for God on His answers to our prayers or provision for our needs.

This conversation came to mind again today because I have been reading a book this past week called "Lover of my Soul: delighting in God's passionate love". A chapter I read today called "Knowing Him" made the analogy of our spiritual relationship with God being as intimate as that of a husband and wife on their wedding night. Our relationship with God is not sexual but deeply spiritual. It is the closest analogy that we can comprehend.

The author, Alan Wright, describes it this way...

* Two things are necessary for intimate knowledge of God our unguarded abandon and our permanent committment

* God wants people who will lose sight of themselves long enough to be overwhelmed by the sight of God

* God, our bridegroom, demands total permanent commitment

* Holy intimate experiences of God are not for spiritual thrill seekers unprepared to walk with Him, intimacy requires covenant (something God established with His people in Genesis)

I could be wrong, but I think it is very common for followers of Christ to fall into patterns of apathy, doubt and anger toward their Creator God. I definitely struggle at times. It is encouraging to me to remember some of the basics when all else hurts and doesn't make sense. One God is WORTHY of my worship. Second God longs for nothing more than my WORSHIP. Third God is GLORIFIED in authentic worship...that includes those times that I approach His throne of grace broken and confused.

I guess I write this in my blog to challenge those that are currently facing some of these things to be wary of getting swept up in self-pity and doubt because Satan loves nothing more than for God's people to be numb. May we not be fickle in our covenant with God because He is not fickle with us. We may be hurt, we may be angry but we should never lose TRUST in God. He alone is worthy!

cherries!

One of many perks to the south is having an abundance of FRESH fruit! I LOVE the fruit, well, ALL the produce down here. Right now cherries are in season and are going like crazy at the grocery stores. The other night a friend brought over a fruit salad with fresh cherries which inspired me to buy some today. They are AMAZING good! Definitely one thing we don't get in Alaska...at least not this quality! Mmmmmmmm!!!!

Ruben

My first visit to Dave and Aimy's was a nice welcome, run down at the door by their blue Great Dane, Ruben. He's now 8 months old, stands as tall as my chest and weighs more than I do. I told them their house is something like a petty zoo with two dogs, two cats, fish and a small pony in their house. He acts like a puppy but is stronger than he knows. His tail and "gentle bumps" to be pet nearly knock me over if I am not braced. I'm curious to know how strong and big he'll be full grown!

family reunion

the family minus mom


cousin shot

While I was home some of my dad's family was up visiting. His brother Dale and older sister Becky and their families came. It was great to see them but our time was too short! I especially enjoyed seeing my cousin Ian for the 2nd time...he's four now and as cute as ever.

what I miss...

Being home the past two weeks has been a tremendous blessings. Truly the friends and family God has given me are a blessing beyond what I deserve. I have loved every moment of my time here. Some particular things I miss about Alaska...


my girls


my family


taking spontaneous camping trips at 10 p.m. b/c there is still daylight left to burn


hiking at 12:00 a.m.


watching the sun "set" at 12:30 a.m.


waking up to this when I open my tent in the morning


the mountains


my little people





my tall people


hiking in comfortable temps





snacks with my little people


...these are a few of my favorite things.

Graduation

Alex and his girlfriend Erin


where are your eyes?!?


mystery arms!





perfect fit!


the whole family...John and Tammi are now empty nesters!


cousins...Brittany graduated from the same school last year


sea of graduates...Alex is the one in blue, ha!


waiting patiently for the pomp and circumstance to begin


friends


Brittania and me

My cousin Alex graduated from high school this weekend. Nine grandkids done, one to go! Frederick is the grand finale of the Burdine cousins and will graduate next year. How can that be? We had a great weekend together in Charlotte with friends and family. Fun side note, there were 700 students in his graduating class. The ceremony amazingly lasted 1 hour and 20 minutes! Brittany and I timed the name reading, they got through all 700 names in 35 minutes! One of the fastest ceremonies I have been to yet!

red neck hair cut

I am incredibly behind in blogging so this is a little old now but still funny. I've struggled to find someone consistent here to cut my hair. Every time I've gone to someone new and long to just be home so my sister-in-law Aimy can cut it...she is AWESOME and always does it how I like it. Anywhoo, this last cut was a cut to remember.

I went to my old salon, my girl left so a random (to me) guy cut it. He's 21, from the south and a red neck. When I got there on a Sat. morning he was preoccupied with a NASCAR race he was going to later that afternoon. He also was working through a "slight" hangover from the night before.

He started the conversation by telling me he was going to wash his hands first b/c he just finished a smoke break and they smelled like smoke...ok, that'd be nice...but he never did wash them. He got so busy talking to me he moved to washing my hair and, I suppose, his hands in that process...very professional. He quickly moved into conversation about the bar fight he witnessed the night prior and how he intervened in a knifing. My response? You're my hero?? I didn't know what to say so I just let him talk. He was a one man conversation. Every other sentence had a 4letter word. All the while he is cutting my hair like crazy.

Toward the end of my cut he comments randomly, "You should be thankful your not a preacher's daughter, they have it rough. I mean really, most just jump off the deep end and rebell b/c they can't handle the pressure what kind of life would that be?"

I smiled and responded, "Well actually, I AM a preacher's daughter and it's really not all that bad. But while you have your foot in your mouth, why don't you just keep going."

His response, "No S*** you're a preacher's daughter!?!"

Me, "Ya, I'm also going to seminary right now."

His response, "What the H*** you ARE NOT!! You gonna be come celebate nun or what? I could NEVER do that."

Me, "I AM really going, but I'm not going to be some celebate nun. I'm learning some pretty interesting stuff there."

Later he asked how old I was...ha, ya blew him away when I said 30. I'll let your imagination guess what his response was. I actually had an opportunity to ask him some questions about faith stuff and share a little more of my testimony so it was an interesting opportunity to say the least.

The funny/frustrating part...I got home, washed my hair to find the left side 1" longer than that right. My roommate died laughing then sympathized with the mess on my head. I went back the next week to have it fixed. Definitely one of the more interesting hair cutting experiences I've had in awhile...maybe ever.

roaches

Oh the joys of living in a hot place. Last week I was sleeping soundly in my bed and felt a tickle on my neck. I brushed it a few times thinking nothing of it b/c I was so exhausted. The third time I grabbed at the "tickle" and came to enough in my deep slumber to feel something there, possibly a bug. I got up and turned on my light to find...yes a nice fatty roach on my pillow!!! Ya buddy! DISGUSTING!!! It had been crawling on me for who knows how long...on my NECK!! For those who don't know I have a huge phobia about my neck...people touching it (David Eller!).

Surprisingly I caught the bug our little jar contraption and threw it outside (around 5:00 a.m.) WITHOUT screaming. A much different scenario then the time I had at a condo in Hawaii with Joani Kroon. The security guards came running to our place to ask if everything was ok. I'm either acclimating or I'm just braver in my old age.

For those bug lovers reading this I've learned something about types of roaches. Palmetto bugs are more common here. The state tree is the Palmetto tree (type of palm tree) and palmetto bugs are ALL over. The difference between a palmetto bug and an ordinary cockroach...palmetto bugs have wings and fly. Lucky us! Nothing like have a roach FLY at your face!

Atlanta

Barrett, Joanna, Kara downtown Atlanta

Got to take a little road trip this weekend with Joanna and her friend Barrett. It was an ecclectic weekend. They dropped me off at Charlotte Adams memorial service Sat. morning...she was my grandmother's neighbor for years in Decatur, GA. Afterward the three of us headed into downtown where we had a picnic at Centenial Park with some friends. I met up after that with John and Tammi (uncle and aunt from Charlotte, NC) to see a Braves game, yahoo! I was trying to remember the last Braves game I went to...I think it was in 1998, been awhile! Anywhoo, they pulled out a win with a two run homerun in the final inning! Wish you could have been there Dave!

We stayed with friends and had fun bonding before some of them move this month. Went to Joanna's church on Sunday, First Baptist Woodstock then headed back north going through Augusta for a wedding of some friends from CIU. Fun weekend! It was nice to have a break and get away from Columbia for awhile. I am working 45-50 hrs. a week now so things are busy here!

end of a semester...

Stone and his wife Yuk with a student...they are moving to LA this summer and won't be back next year, we will miss you guys TREMENDOUSLY!

Spring semester wrapped up a couple weeks ago now but I am behind in blogging. We had a final dinner and time of fellowship with our Chinese students. It was sweet to my soul. I shared with the students what a blessing and challenge this past year has been in ministry.

I came to CIU initially ready to pursue a degree in Intercultural Studies with the intent of going overseas full time at some point. Through the year I have felt God lead otherwise. I have enjoyed going to the Chinese Church and doing ministry with the Ben Lippen students but it is clear now that China and even full time foreign missions is not my heart or passion right now. I have a huge heart for international missions, but feel led more so to work from here mobilizing and supporting others. There is more to that which I will be sending out sometime in the next couple of weeks in my prayer letter update. All that to say I am changing my major to a general MA in biblical studies and hope to pursue women's ministry and discipleship here in the states. God has shown me this year how to let go of my plans and ideas and be open to whatever He has...even staying here. To be okay in uncertainty.

prayer for China...

As most of you know China was struck by a 7.9 magnitude earthquake a week ago. I know several families that live in the area where the quake hit. They are all okay praise the Lord. The city and surrounding areas however have been devasted. The Chinese government is hard at work from what I've read and heard from friends living there, but as you can imagine there is MUCH work to be done. The death toll is over 32,000 with another 200,000+ seriously injured. Please pray for China during this time of mourning, uncertainty, and relief work.

Those over there have asked specifically for people to pray for the following things:

* strength to meet people's needs
* favor with officials to go to less reached areas
* hospital staff and workers there as the needs are overwhelming
* protection as they search for people and help out
* readiness to share the gospel and open hearts to receive it
* Samaritan's Purse - did a big emergency relief drop in Chengdu yesterday (Saturday) and teams will be helping with distribution, pray for wisdom in getting it to people who need the supplies and food most

There are dozens of sites to check out online. I am hoping to attach a slide show a friend sent if I can figure it out later. There are people in need all over the world, particularly in Myanmar right now from the huge cyclone that hit, but China is close to my heart and I want to encourage you to be praying for them in the days ahead. If you want to help out financially with relief efforts I have connections on how to do that as well. Email me and let me know. Thank you for joining with me in praying for those broken right now in China.

Mother's Day...

the awesome owners that opened their shop up again just for us!


AMAZING GOOD burgers!!


The guys


The girls wishing our mother's a happy day from around the globe!


Me and Joanna with our Mother's Day carnations...for you mom from SC!

Inspite of being 4,000+ miles away from my mother this mother's day I had a really neat time remembering her and celebrating her. This morning I went to church to hear a friend from school preach his last sermon before he graduates from the seminary this Saturday. There were about 25 CIU-ers that went to listen to him. Afterward a group of about 10 of us decided to go to lunch together and have a little picnic. Someone suggested checking out a new burger joint..."Snack Shack, Slap Yo Mamma Bugers." A tribute to our mothers?? Sounds nuts, but it was really a cool experience, stay tuned...

So we get to this whole in the wall joint and the owners are walking out closing up shop for the day. Joanna, no pride, goes up and asks if they would be willing to open up again so 10 of us could get burgers to celebrate our mothers. They got such a kick out of her request for a mother's day lunch that they said YES! We had a picture taking fest while the two owners got busy warming up their grill again. Can I just say it was hands down the best burger I have had in YEARS?! No lie. If you live in Columbia, ya gotta go! Mom and dad, when you come back down...we'll go!

The special Mother's Day part you ask? After we all got our burgers we went to a nearby park and ate together all sharing something special we admire and/or appreciate about our mothers. It was actually a really great sharing time.

So on to sharing. I said that I appreciated how my mom always took a vested interest in my and my brother. In particular she always made our birthdays incredibly special. My mom is a cake decorator and she'd let us choose a theme for our b-days and then make AMAZING cakes each year. I shared how one year she made me a doll cake the barbie type that stands up and the cake is the huge skirt/dress. So she made a huge one (doll) and then 7 little individual VERY ornate ones for each of my girl friends who came. They all got to take one home with them. One year I remember she made a big crayon box cake and let us each decorate our own smaller crayon cakes...VERY special memories. Thanks mom!

Something else I appreciate about my mom is her willingness to drop anything to be there for me. My mother has ALWAYS be a listening ear at the drop of a hat. I remember my senior year of college when I hit a really low point overspent and anxious about getting into grad programs she dropped all she had going on and took a flight down to MN the next week to help me sort some stuff out and just encouage me. Whatever the distance, the cost, the time, my mom has always given me the gift of TIME. For that I am ever grateful. Thanks mom.

beach weekend!

Alaskan Girls!


takin' a walk


a night out in downtown Willmington...a very cute historic southern city


Joanna showing off her new pedicure























the "Oceanic" restaurant and piere taken off our back porch...nothin' beats listening to waves all night long!

Last week I celebrated my 30th with some of my girlfriends from around the country. I have to say it was a HUGE blessing! A couple of old AK friends flew over, Carrie from ID and Joani from OR, then four friends from CIU came up. We stayed four days and four nights at my aunt and uncle's beach house in Wrightsville, NC. The Lord blessed us with perfect weather and a relaxing and crazy girl bonding time! I am truly blessed by the amazing women God has placed in my life. Above are some highlights from the weekend.